被討厭的勇氣：不是叛逆，而是選擇更愛自己
- Bruno Huang 黃鼎翰 / 老黑
- 5月27日
- 讀畢需時 4 分鐘
已更新：6月8日
在這個鼓勵配合與討好、將「乖」當成美德的社會裡，說「不」彷彿是一種冒犯。但今天，我們想談談最被低估、卻最關鍵的一種溝通形式——拒絕。
溝通，不只是對別人說話，而是先對自己誠實
許多人以為，溝通是為了促進理解、維繫關係。但其實，最深的溝通，往往是與自己進行的對話。學會說「不」，是對自己最大的溫柔；也是一種自我尊重。
然而，要說出這個字，我們常常卡在一個心理障礙——害怕被誤會、被冷落，甚至，被討厭。
這正是日本心理學暢銷書《被討厭的勇氣》所提出的觀點：「所謂的自由，就是被別人討厭。」
當你選擇活出真實的自己，勢必無法迎合所有人的期待。那些來自他人的不理解、不認同，正是你開始走上自由人生的證明。
拒絕，不是對抗，而是勇敢說出自己想要什麼
我們在說「拒絕」時，並不是鼓勵你與長輩或主管唱反調，也不是鼓勵叛逆，而是引導你勇敢表達自己真實的聲音，誠實溝通彼此的想法與擔憂。
很多長輩或上司之所以不斷否定我們、要我們照著他們的方式去做，其實是因為他們不了解我們的選擇、看不清我們的目標，甚至對我們的世界感到陌生而不安。
他們否定的，其實不是你，而是那個他們無法掌控的未來。他們擔心的不只是你走錯路，而是他們自己在你的人生中，失去了可以貢獻的角色。
因此，有效的拒絕，不只是說「不」這麼簡單，而是願意邀請對方進入你的世界，了解你的選擇、你的熱情、你承擔的風險與責任。
拒絕，是界線，也是自信的開始
演藝圈的王思佳，在她的書《王美說了算！誰管別人想什麼！》中，用她特有的直率與幽默，分享了自己如何在謠言與抨擊中，仍堅持做自己。
她不是沒有受傷，而是選擇即使痛也要活得漂亮。她提醒我們：拒絕迎合，從來都不是一種冷漠，而是一種對自己負責的勇敢。
無論是來自親戚的干涉、職場的指指點點，還是假面朋友的背後插刀，能夠說「不」的人，才真正握有「是」的選擇權。
做一個溫柔但有界線的人
拒絕不是自私，也不是冷酷，而是一種溫柔的界線，一種自我溝通的能力。
你最後一次說「不」是什麼時候？
那一次，你只是想逃避？還是你終於勇敢地站在自己這一邊？
願你在每一次說「不」的時候，都更靠近真正的自己。
因為那不是結束，而是你開始主導自己人生的起點。
The Courage to Say "No"
– Redefining Communication and Self-Respect
In a society where compliance is praised and saying “yes” is seen as virtuous, saying “no” can feel like rebellion. But today, let’s talk about one of the most underestimated yet powerful forms of communication: the courage to say no.
Communication Starts with Being Honest with Yourself
Most people think of communication as something that happens between people—negotiating, understanding, reaching agreement. But in reality, the deepest form of communication begins within: learning to say “no” is often the most honest and compassionate thing you can do for yourself.
Still, many of us hesitate. We fear being misunderstood, excluded, judged. We fear being disliked.
This is where the Japanese bestseller The Courage to Be Disliked offers a radical perspective:
“Freedom is being disliked by others.”
Choosing to live by your own values and priorities means you will inevitably disappoint someone. The discomfort of rejection is not a sign you’re doing something wrong—it may be the very sign that you’re finally choosing yourself.
Saying No Isn't Rebellion—It's Respectful Honesty
Let’s be clear: refusing isn’t about defiance or disrespect. It’s not about arguing with your elders or bosses, nor is it a call to be rebellious for the sake of it.
True refusal is thoughtful. It’s the result of listening to your inner voice and being brave enough to share your truth.
Many parents or superiors who constantly criticize your choices or try to control your path aren’t necessarily trying to suppress you. More often than not, they don’t understand your direction. It’s unfamiliar, and that makes them anxious—not just about your future, but about their inability to help or relate.
They aren’t rejecting you—they’re reacting to uncertainty.
This is why effective communication isn’t just about saying “no” plainly. It’s about inviting others into your world. It’s saying: “Here’s what I truly want, and here’s why I believe in it.” When you express yourself clearly, even the most skeptical voices may soften—because now they see you, not just your resistance.
Boundaries Are Not Walls—They’re Foundations
Actress and author Sophia Wang (王思佳) echoes this sentiment in her bold memoir Who Cares What Others Think! Facing relentless gossip, double standards, and backstabbing within the entertainment industry, she learned to thrive—not by fighting everyone, but by standing firm in who she is.
She reminds us that being misunderstood doesn’t mean you’re wrong. Refusing to conform isn’t a rejection of others—it’s a commitment to yourself.
Whether it’s nosy relatives, judgmental coworkers, or two-faced friends, sometimes the healthiest communication is a clear, calm “no.”
Be Kind, but Have Boundaries
Saying no isn’t about ego. It’s not cruelty or selfishness. It’s an act of clarity. A boundary drawn with compassion is still a boundary.
When was the last time you said no—not out of fear, but out of truth?
Was it a rejection of others—or an affirmation of yourself?
May every “no” you speak bring you one step closer to who you really are.
Because saying “no” isn’t the end of the conversation—it’s where your story truly begins.
原文 (中文) : Bruno Huang
翻譯 (英文) : Bruno Huang
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