你到底會不會聊天？

Do You Even Know How to Chat?

很會說話，不一定就討人喜歡。有時候，滔滔不絕很容易被視為囉嗦、霸道、甚至武斷。當我們急著表達自己的觀點，往往忽略了溝通的本質。

Being articulate doesn't always translate into being likable. Sometimes, an eager and constant stream of talk can be easily perceived as verbose, domineering, or even arbitrary. When we rush to state our own viewpoints, we often neglect the very essence of communication.

溝通是雙向的藝術。它需要互動，才能達成共識，甚至最終解決問題。在現代職場和人際關係中，我們追求的不再只是資訊的傳遞，更重要的是情緒價值（Emotional Value）的交換與共鳴。

Communication is a two-way street. It requires interaction to reach a consensus and eventually to solve a problem. In modern professional and personal relationships, we are no longer just seeking the transfer of information; more crucially, we seek the exchange and resonance of Emotional Value.

在溝通過程中，問問題的能力極為關鍵，它能引導對方說出真正的困難與感受。但這裡有個陷阱：如果你只是把準備好的「問卷」問完，忘了聆聽（Listening）並深入討論，那就不是溝通，而是審問（Interrogation）。這種單向輸出會讓對方感到不舒服、沒有被重視。

In this process, the ability to ask questions is vital, as it guides the other person to articulate their true difficulties and feelings. However, there's a trap: if you merely finish asking a pre-prepared "questionnaire" and forget to truly listen and discuss in depth, it ceases to be communication and becomes an interrogation. This one-way output makes the other party uncomfortable and feel unimportant.

我常被朋友約出來喝咖啡「聊天」，我通常會先思考：對方真正要的，是我的專業建議，還是期待只需要陪伴、抒發情緒？

I am often invited out for coffee to "chat." My default thought process is: Does this person truly seek my professional advice, or are they simply hoping for companionship and an outlet to vent their emotions?

有時候，真的不要太自作聰明。

Sometimes, it's best not to be overly clever. 

朋友剛開口說老闆刁難他，你卻急著探討老闆是不是也同時刁難別的同事。或許這些「客觀分析」此刻並不重要。

Your friend just started talking about their boss giving them a hard time, and you immediately jump to debating whether the boss is treating other colleagues the same way. Perhaps these "objective analyses" are not what's needed at this very moment.

順著聊，有時候反而更有效。

Following the flow of the conversation can often be much more effective.

假設朋友說：「你知道嗎？經理今天又在找我麻煩，說我報告寫得不清楚。我都熬夜趕報告了，還想怎樣？」

Imagine your friend says, "You know what? My manager is giving me trouble again today, saying my report isn't clear. I stayed up all night to finish it. What more does he want?"

在這個當下，千萬不要「好心」地說：「你報告拿來我看看，或許我可以幫你看出問題在哪裡？」

In this moment, DO NOT "helpfully" suggest: "Bring your report here, maybe I can help you spot the problem."

除非他主動把報告拿出來尋求你的幫忙，否則他心裡可能只會想：「看出什麼問題？你腦子才有問題吧！」

Unless they proactively ask for your help by offering the report, internally, they might just be thinking: "Spot what problem? You're the one with the problem!"

或許你只需要順著他的情緒，輕輕地說：「啊？怎麼老是針對你？其他同事他都不會喔？他有說報告不清楚在哪裡嗎？」

Perhaps you only need to follow their emotion and gently say: "Oh? Why is he always picking on you? Does he do that to other colleagues, too? Did he specify where the report was unclear?"

接著，對話將會被引導向處理情緒的道路，可能會產生幾種結果：

Following this, the conversation will be guided towards emotional processing, potentially leading to a few outcomes:

• 繼續抱怨，道出所有不滿跟委屈。說完後，情緒宣洩了，委屈感降低了，隔天照常上班。

  They continue to complain, venting all their grievances and frustrations over the past three years. After getting it all out, the tension is released, the sense of injustice diminishes, and they go back to work the next day.

• 情緒爆發後，覺得不該如此委屈，決定隔天遞出辭呈，對自己好一點。

  After the emotional release, they feel they shouldn't tolerate such mistreatment, so they decide to hand in their resignation the next day, prioritizing their well-being.

• 邊說邊發現，其實經理對每個人都差不多，不是針對自己。但仍覺得環境很糟，不宜久留。

  Through the discussion, they realize the manager treats everyone similarly; it's not personal. But they still decide the environment is toxic and not worth staying in.

• 聊著聊著發現，好像每個職場都差不多，自己應該好好調整心態，才能適應並繼續往上。

  They slowly realize that maybe every workplace is similar, and they need to adjust their mindset to adapt and advance.

當然，還有幾百種可能。重點是：不是你告訴他該怎麼做，而是跟著他的節奏，先處理他的情緒，慢慢聊，不要急著處理問題。

Of course, there are hundreds of different outcomes. The key takeaway is: It’s not about you telling them what to do. It’s about following their rhythm, addressing their emotions first, taking it slow, and not rushing to solve the problem.

你或許也經歷過：朋友抱怨男朋友劈腿，你勸她分手，結果隔天兩人就和好了，還一起出來吃飯，酸你一句：「你昨天還叫我分手耶！」

You've probably experienced this: a friend complains that her boyfriend cheated, you advise her to break up, only for them to reconcile the next day, and they even meet you for dinner and tease you: "You told me to break up yesterday!"

所以，我們在溝通時，不一定是要給對方 「答案」。他們心裡往往已經有答案。他們需要的，只是被認同、被肯定、被鼓勵。

Therefore, in communication, we are not always supposed to give the other person "the answer." They often already have the answer within themselves. What they seek is validation, affirmation, and encouragement.

你會發現，最厲害的業務，從來沒有在急著推銷產品或說明服務。他們花時間關心你遇到的困難，然後跟著你，探索那個最讓你開心的答案。這就是當代溝通藝術的精髓。

You will notice that the most successful salespeople are never in a rush to sell their products or explain their services. They spend time caring about the difficulties you face, and then they join you in exploring the answer that makes you the happiest. This, precisely, is the essence of the art of modern communication.